The black door opened a small wiry women looked nervously at me and she stood aside and asked me in, I stood on the threshold of this small empty house and the smell of neglect sept through the walls straight into my nostrils
We moved into a small hallway littered with cigarette ends and discarded hair and as she led me to the sitting room the smell was distracting. She offer me a seat and we sat for a second, I looked deeply into her eyes, the pain was there naked and raw. I told her a little of what I do and what to expect and asked her name ” Oh I’m Sheila” her hands were trembling and she seemed cold and exhausted
“The love you have shared is eternal regardless of the situation”,
I said in reassurance and a tear ran freely down her cheek. I held her hand for a second, a watery smile surfaced into view has the sun struggled through the dirt stained window into the room.
I wanted to tell her about what I had for her in the future but somehow it didn’t seem right to take her feelings and dismiss them by moving too quickly over them. I was curious to know her story, and happy to feel the elders come around me and hear their voices guiding me to help in which ever way I could.
A girl of about 10 appeared at the side of her, She had her mothers eyes and I could hear he sayings “Tell her I love her and that I am happy and at peace ” she smiled and then said her name “Jessie without me having to ask.
I look directly at Sheila and repeated what her daughter had said and a stream of information came through, all evidence that that this mother needed and I began giving her the messages her deceased child was telling me. Her shocked face changed and lit up as the words could only have come from the child and she knew then she was with her. The child said she had no recollection of her death just that at first she missed her Mum so much. She told her that she was not happy that the house looked so neglected and she wanted her to know that she cared that her Mum was not happy.
Soon the little girl had given her message and left and now it was time to shuffle the Tarot cards
Slowly has we proceeded she began to relax and seemed in a better place than when I had first arrived and so the hour passed quickly. With the tarot cards spread out in front of her she looked unsure, I spoke gently to her and I had asked her to shuffle the cards and pull out three cards. We lay the cards on the table and looked at them
She laid her hands on the first card and said “What does that mean” It was the 9 of Swords it meant the pain she had suffered at the loss of her only daughter and the other losses she had suffer soon surfaced. Her story began to unfold and slowly and quietly she spoke of her husband who left shortly after the child’s death and how ill her own Mother was then, also how a friend had let her down and how difficult it had been for her to face life in isolation. Tears now ran freely down her face.
The Moon was the second card in the trilogy and this card for her in this place in the reading shows the result of all the pain and loss she felt and had turned into a deepening depression she had endured and not been able to escape or even understand.
The third card was the 10 of Wands and this signified the burdens she had carried and how she had made herself responsible for all the ills that had besieged her and how she then made it very difficult to heal.
As we passed through the cards her appearance changed, she became more animated and moved closer to the tabel. She told her tale well and at the end the very last three cards were place on the tabel and she suddenly smiled as if she knew what I was going to say.. The Ace of Wands is bright with expectation, growth and new beginnings and it appearance made it impossible for me to think in a negative way about this women’s life. With a lighter heart I had decided to try to move her forward, after all it was part of the deal: just not too quickly.
I asked her where she thought she might start in piecing her life back together, because it was very obvious that she had a great future in front of her and I needed her to mark it herself. She took a deep breath in and said ” I have no idea,I feel stuck I full of grief for so long, I had not believed that I could have a future at all”
The Justice card lay at the side of the first card and I asked her if she felt like she was doing herself justice, ” Of course not “she shook her head and said she couldn’t eat properly, or anything else at that moment. A large sigh escaped and she twisted the handkerchief in her hand, and she looked at me as if a penny had just dropped and she stared off into a space which gave ups it secrets and gave her a vision of what she would need to do to get her life back.
The third card felt warm in my hand and I became excited, I sometime sense what is coming before I turn a card over and this was the opening I needed to explain what she could expect in the near future. As I spoke I could see disbelief in her eyes I carried on knowing I needed to bring her back to herself some how.
The Ace of Cups represents the birth of self love and the new seed of loving feelings being born. It is a card of expanding emotions and because it appeared in the third slot as her future card it was ideal to open up the conversation about how she would experience this in her new future. It was there to let her know that she needed to bring in the love that was sadly missing, the love for herself began with forgiveness I reminded her. How could she been totally reponsible for other peoples actions and that being so isolated had created her mind set. I wanted her to know that she was loved no matter what she thought and even though I knew and said she was loved for just for being alive . She looked at me with a disbelief and getting her to acknowledge she need help with this turn around was perhaps one of the largest mountains I have had to climb for sometime..
Today I met Sheila for coffee, she always brings me flowers. She looked so different from the first time I met her. At peace and now in love.