Learning the Art of Writing

Posts tagged ‘loss’

Just the beginning..

Psychic Healing

The black door opened  a small wiry women looked nervously at me and she stood aside and asked me in,  I stood on the threshold of this small empty house and the smell of neglect sept through the walls straight into my nostrils

We moved into a small hallway littered with cigarette ends and discarded hair and as she led me to the sitting room the smell was distracting.  She offer me a seat and we sat for a second, I looked deeply into her eyes,  the pain was there naked and raw. I told her a little of what I do and what to expect and asked her name ” Oh I’m Sheila” her hands were trembling and she seemed cold and exhausted

“The love you have shared is eternal regardless of the situation”,

I said in reassurance and a tear ran freely down her cheek. I held her hand for a second, a watery smile surfaced into view has the sun struggled through the dirt stained window into the room.

I wanted to tell her about what I had for her in the future but somehow it didn’t seem right to take her feelings  and dismiss them by moving too quickly over them. I was curious  to know her story, and happy to feel the elders come around me and hear their voices guiding me to help in which ever way I could.

A girl of about 10 appeared at the side of her, She had her mothers eyes and I could  hear he sayings “Tell her I love her and that I am happy and at peace ” she smiled and then said her name “Jessie without me having to ask.

I look directly at Sheila and repeated what her daughter had said  and a stream of information came through, all evidence that that this mother needed  and I began giving her the messages her deceased child was telling me.  Her shocked face changed and lit up as the words could only have come from the child and she knew then she was with her. The child said she  had no recollection of her death just that at first she missed her Mum so much. She told her that she was not happy  that the house looked so neglected and she wanted her to know that she cared that her Mum was not happy.

Soon the little girl had given her message and left and now it was time to shuffle the Tarot cards

Slowly has we proceeded she began to relax and seemed in a better place than when I had first arrived and so the hour passed quickly. With the tarot cards spread out in front of her she looked unsure, I spoke gently to her and I had asked her to shuffle the cards and pull out  three cards. We lay the cards on the table and looked at them

She laid her hands on the first card and said “What does that mean” It was the 9 of Swords it meant the pain she had suffered at the loss of her only daughter and the other losses she had suffer soon surfaced. Her story began to unfold and slowly and quietly she spoke of  her husband who left shortly after the child’s death and how ill her own Mother was then, also how a friend had let her down and how difficult it had been for her to face life in isolation. Tears now ran freely down her face.

The Moon was the second card in the trilogy and this card  for her in this place in the reading  shows the result of all the pain and loss she felt and had turned into a deepening depression she had endured and not been able to escape or even understand.

The third card was the 10 of Wands and this signified  the burdens she had carried and how she had made herself  responsible for all the ills that had besieged her and how she then made it very difficult to heal.

As we passed through the cards her appearance changed, she became more animated and moved closer to the tabel. She told her tale well and at the end the very last three cards were place on the tabel and she suddenly smiled as if she knew what I was going to say.. The Ace of Wands is bright with expectation, growth and new beginnings and it  appearance made it impossible for me to think in a negative way about this women’s life.  With a lighter heart  I had  decided to try to move her forward,  after all it was part of the deal: just not too quickly.

I asked her where she thought she might start in piecing her life back together, because it was very obvious that she had a great future in front of her and I needed her to mark it herself. She took a deep breath in and said ” I have no idea,I feel stuck I full of grief  for so long, I had not believed that I could have a future at all”

The Justice card lay at the side of the first card and I asked her if she felt like she was doing herself justice, ” Of course not “she shook her head and said she couldn’t  eat properly, or anything else at that moment. A large sigh escaped and she twisted the handkerchief in her hand, and she looked at me as if a penny had just dropped and she stared off into a space which gave ups it secrets and gave her a vision of what she would need to do to get her life back.

The third card  felt warm in my hand and I became excited, I sometime sense what is coming before I turn a card over and this was the opening  I needed to explain what she could expect in the near future. As I spoke I could see disbelief in her eyes I carried on knowing I needed  to bring her back to herself some how.

The Ace of Cups represents the birth of self love and the new seed of loving feelings being born. It is a card of  expanding  emotions  and because it appeared in the third slot  as her future card it was ideal to open up the conversation about how she would experience this in her new future. It was there to let  her know that she needed to bring in the love that was sadly missing, the love for herself began with forgiveness I reminded her. How could she been totally reponsible for other peoples actions and that being so isolated had created her mind set. I wanted her to know that she was loved no matter what she thought and even though I knew and said she was loved for just for being alive . She looked at me with a disbelief and getting her to acknowledge she need help with this turn around was perhaps one of the largest mountains I have had to climb for sometime..

Today I met Sheila for coffee, she always brings me flowers. She looked so different from the first time I met her. At peace and now in love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  



Exile from Intimacy into the Shame of Keeping Secrets.

DSCF4194

The Secret is a book that lights many thousands of people’s eyes up, but its  not that secret but the Secret  that only serves one person ~  that’s the  one who  wants it keeping. They want it kept because it is something they should not be doing and do not want other people  finding out. The pressure to kept the secret quiet, creates a deep level of anxiety for both people, the one who is keeping and the one maintaining it. Deeper, somehow for the one who is being made to keep it I think.

A secret could be that someone is being abused and are being cohered into keeping the secret and then once the secret is kept the abuser assumes a new power and it is your power of free speach they have used against you. This leads to you feeling lonelyness and creates echos of non relationships and very rarely  through out your life would you have ever  expeirenced the real you.

So “Unless the victim can find some permission and power to share the secret and unless there is the possibility of an engaging, non-punitive response to disclosure, the child is likely to spend a lifetime in what comes to be a self-imposed exile from intimacy, trust and self-validation.” Roland C. Summit, M.D.

And so the story goes, sitting here this morning reading through the research that goes way back to research done in the 1970.

I was reading some of the processes people go through to get validation and that was a concern of mine at the beginning but just having that one person made all the difference.

That was then and this is now but I still wondered why it it still so hard for people to believe the child when they tell you they have been abused  and also when it is obvious that they are telling the truth.

Its not hard for me to believe them for I have told my dirty little secret many times and when I did for the first time  I was believed by one person who mattered and would not use it against me and which in those days I found  miraculous. Not so  the other members of the family who sort me out and  spate in my face and because I know the fall out of not being believed is devastatingly and the feelings  of shame are over whelming. So we don’t tell and we don’t tell for a long time.

Its like the man who was asked about the green house effect and what did he think and he said “It doesn’t effect me I haven’t got a greenhouse” So we learn to lie deny and hide away from the truth.

“Shadows from the past throws a shadow across today’s sun. How long have you been a child of shame hiding your secret behind the mask.”Ralph Blum The Book of Runes 1982.

When will you tell and how if you got an opportunity to have the perfect scenario how would it work?

Who would you tell first, is this creating knots in your stomach and you feel an aversion to even thinking  about it but if you don’t you take away your get out clause. You really need to over come the pain of it by imagination and Visualization, so you can get doing what you are really meant to be doing,

Finding lost bits of You and Healing.

 

My Mircle Minute

I subscribed to a newsletter some 2 years ago and every time it comes to me it mirrors my exact situation.

Its  a year ago today since my friend Robert Longbottom passed over and I had not seen him much towards the end I had moved out of the area and was just redecorating the kitchen of the new house.

I was up the step ladder putting some wallpaper on the walls not thinking of anything particular when I felt something behind me and this something stayed for a couple of hours and then left.

I had no way of knowing who it was, for the whole week songs were coming on the radio we shared, someone gave me a Crystal Bible and it reminded me of him and the lovely day we had in Derbyshire. And lots of other things, were coming back to me, wonderful  memories of the empty kitchen and when he blew himself up with the gas leak.

 The reason I am writing this is just to let you know Rob wherever you are I loved you with all my heart but it was so hard to watch you kill yourself and I did not have the strength to stand by and watch that happen.

I have felt guilty ever since like somehow I deserted you in your hour of need. I had to accept that your illness was greater than me and I could not save you.

 So today when this newsletter popped into my mail box I know that the universe helps me on many many levels.

And by the way this man is fantastic Dick Warn and his Miracle Minute:

Pain Is Inevitable

Bad things happen. The passing of a parent, the death of a pet, rejection

from someone important, the loss of something you truly enjoy, and the

list is endless. There is no “pain free” way to live. We build attachments.

 Attachments come to an end. Yet, as Buddha said, “Pain is inevitable.

Suffering is optional.”
Most painful events are followed by shock, anger, denial, and blame.

 

These emotions are normal. What causes suffering is getting stuck in

anger, denial or blame. Some people make careers out of anger and

blame.
Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist said, “The greatest and most important

 

problems in life are all in a certain sense insoluble. They can never be

solved, but only outgrown.”
Outgrowing problems demands acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean

 

 that we like it. Acceptance means we accept the fact that it happened and

 understand that the only thing we can control is our reaction. Some

people choose the path of a survivor and others choose the path of a victim.

 Arthur Gordon, American author said, “Some people confuse acceptance

with apathy, but there’s all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to

distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance

makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance

frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens.”
William Cowper, British poet said, “No traveler ever reached that blest

 

 abode who found not thorns and briers in his road.”
And Thomas Fuller, British clergyman said, “I will not meddle with that

 

which I cannot mend.”


Dick Warn

Copyright 2009 Richard S. Warn & Associates